Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
