It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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