Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
