dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
