She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
