ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.