Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  his personality makes his face look like an asshole.

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  (360): his personality makes his face look like an asshole. http://tfl.nu/0gwl
  Replies (14) Good night (896) Bad night (3179)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him

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  (541): he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him http://tfl.nu/38fg
  Replies (6) Good night (4299) Bad night (1104)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.

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  (484): New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes. http://tfl.nu/xws1
  Replies (47) Good night (4794) Bad night (1667)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.

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  (703): You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her. http://tfl.nu/ivfo
  Replies (11) Good night (5568) Bad night (1154)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.

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  (780): I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/raiw
  Replies (9) Good night (2392) Bad night (1354)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  We had to coat check the pizza.

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  (514): We had to coat check the pizza. http://tfl.nu/aa4o
  Replies (3) Good night (3130) Bad night (1119)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  apparently i was cut off before i even walked in

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  (405): apparently i was cut off before i even walked in http://tfl.nu/ukez
  Replies (2) Good night (2357) Bad night (1155)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.

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  (281): In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight. http://tfl.nu/l97c
  Replies (7) Good night (2376) Bad night (1570)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.

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  (570): Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid. http://tfl.nu/hx89
  Replies (15) Good night (716) Bad night (3429)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper

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  (303): he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper http://tfl.nu/eza0
  Replies (13) Good night (621) Bad night (2124)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.

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  (707): Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand. http://tfl.nu/dp2x
  Replies (6) Good night (1659) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.

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  (202): Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that. http://tfl.nu/hdvk
  Replies (14) Good night (2840) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?

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  (813): I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight? http://tfl.nu/eoxv
  Replies (14) Good night (1521) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.

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  (281): There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant. http://tfl.nu/kh9k
  Replies (0) Good night (446) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle

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  (832): I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle http://tfl.nu/p7zs
  Replies (0) Good night (667) Bad night (296)

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