Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
