Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
