he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
