Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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