a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
