he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
