Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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