Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
