Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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