Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
