I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
