I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
