dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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