she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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