i was born a porn star she said
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
