ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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