Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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