ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
