my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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