If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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