oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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