a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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