okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
