I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
