You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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