those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
