good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
