On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
