He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
