its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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