So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
