I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
