I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
