You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
