my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
