At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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