u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
