i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
