i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
