R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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