i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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