Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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