Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
