Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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