Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
