My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize