life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
