The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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