I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
