Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
