My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
