maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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