forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
