i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My ass is underappreciated
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
