I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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