And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
