At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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