I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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