'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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