and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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