so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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