I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
is wine microwaveable?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
