she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
