The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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