Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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