I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
