He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize