4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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