I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
