He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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