Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
