This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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